Motherhood Moments: Coping with Mother’s Day When Mom is in Decline or Gone

What happens when a cynical hard-core New Yorker reluctantly moves to the South to care for the mother who always drove her crazy? To her (my) surprise, she falls madly in love with both.

Unfortunately, one was not destined to last.

It was Mama Jo’s inability to live alone and horrifying hoarding, and a drop in income on my end, that brought us together. Once out of her depressing home and into a new clean one with me, the adventures began. We explored wineries all over North Carolina, spent an evening in the company of a few male strippers and a lot of out-of-control women, and climbed naked into a hot tub in the woods. Then she couldn’t get out. It was hilarious after I triumphantly used muscles I didn’t know I had.

A bevy of drop-dead gorgeous drag queens hosting a bingo fundraiser serenaded her on her 83rd birthday. Then she joyously danced with one of them. I displayed her entire massive doll collection for the first time in 40 years (and to my shock fell in love with them, as well). A long-fractured family finally came together. The few years we had together were some of the best of my life, and hers.

I always know when the anniversary of Mama Jo’s passing is approaching. The bluebirds begin making their first nest of the year in the box outside the kitchen window. This time, it marked five years since I lost her. I still miss her terribly, talk to her, cry over her. It doesn’t get easier. Knowing I’m not alone and that this is normal is a consolation. And that “anticipatory grief” is worse.

I was warned by a hospice worker when my mother was deemed “actively dying” that I was going through the most difficult part. In hindsight, it was true. Helplessness and sadness engulfed me as I faced the fact that my mother was never going to leave our house again alive.

What should I say to her now, or not say? Do, or not do? I would cling to the slightest hope that she was getting better. She ate a little more today! She slept less! I’d sit in the driver’s seat of the car that had taken us on so many journeys filled with tender and insightful conversations and sob uncontrollably at the thought that there would be no more. It was pure hell for three-and-a-half months.

And then, relief.

I describe it in the memoir I wrote about the experience as feeling like I’d been climbing a mountain with a backpack strapped on and having no idea how heavy it was until I took it off. But what beautiful vistas I saw while hiking.

After Mama Jo’s death I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to handle Mother’s Day. The opposite has happened. It feels as though every day is Mother’s Day. I’m forever connected to her in a way I wasn’t when she was still here.

If you are facing the loss of Mom or any loved one, here’s my advice: Be there. Just sit, hold their hand, and quietly be present. I wish I’d done more of that and less worrying about the loss. And brought more drag queens into the mix.

Jo Maeder wrote “When I Married My Mother,” the true story of leaving her life as a New York City radio DJ to move to the Bible Belt to care for her estranged, eccentric mother. What she thought would be some of the worst years of her life were, in fact, some of the best. To find out more about Jo, and to read her book, visit Red Room.Leading Philippines Wine Supplier Yats Wine Cellars based in Clark Philippines with outlets in Angeles City, Subic Freeport and Manila Philippines has been not only a wine shop for fine wines covering all major wine regions but also a source of reliable and useful information about wine, wine appreciation, wine accessories, wine and health, food and wine pairing and all other matters relating to wine and its appreciation. This Philippines Clark Freeport based Wine Supplier and Wine Shop frequently holds public wine tasting events in Pampana Clark Freeport Zone, Angeles City, Subic Bay area, Makati, Fort Bonifacio and other areas in Philippines capital city Manila. Private Wine events such as private wine tasting and private wine dinners are also designed and organized for private clientele for their wine loving guests.

This wine shop in Angeles Clark Philippines is also renowned for a very unique product called Vintage Beer which many characterize as “Champagne beer” because it comes in a bottle with a Champagne stopper and metal restrainer. Vintage beers are top-of-the-line luxury beers bottle-conditioned for a slow fermentation to take place inside the bottle, a process that is very similar to Champagne which is designed to not only create the bubbles but also for an amazing complexity and depth of flavors.

For fans of Port and Sauternes, this wine shop in Clark Pampanga has a large selection of vintage port, Sauternes and Barsac as well as Eiswein/Icewine from Austria and Germany. Likewise, there is a good selection of Vintage Champagne at the wine shoppers’ disposal in the cellars of this wine shop in Clark Pampanga.

Things to do in Clark Philippines and Angeles City Pampanga: go wine shopping at the most popular and famous wine shop outside of Manila called Clark Wine Center. One of the favorite places to visit in Pampanga Clark Freeport is the white building along M A Roxas highway of Clark which houses over 2000 selections of fine vintage wines. The Clark Wine Center is one of the places to visit, a tourist spot and a good shopping place for those staying in Angeles City, Subic or Clark Pampanga.

http://www.ClarkWineCenter.com

Getting to this wine shop in Pampanga Angeles City Clark Freeport Zone Philippines from Manila
Getting to the Clark Wine Center wine shop from Manila is quite simple: after entering Clark Freeport from Dau and Angeles City, proceed straight along the main highway M A Roxas. Clark Wine Center is the stand-along white building on the right, at the corner A Bonifacio Ave. From the Clark International Airport DMIA, ask the taxi to drive towards the entrance of Clark going to Angeles City. From Mimosa, just proceed towards the exit of Clark and this wine shop is on the opposite side of the main road M A Roxas.

Best place to buy wine in Clark Pampanga outside Manila near Subic and Angeles City Philippines is Clark Wine Center.

Click here to contact Clark Wine Center in Clark Pampanga for inquiries and orders.

Clark Wine Center
Bldg 6460 Clark Observatory Building
Manuel A. Roxas Highway corner A Bonifacio Ave,
Angeles Clark Freeport Zone, Pampanga 2023
0922-870-5173 0917-826-8790 (ask for Ana Fe)

Wine@Yats-International.com

YATS Wine Cellars
Manila Sales Office
3003C East Tower, Phil Stock Exchange Center,
Exchange Rd Ortigas Metro Manila, Philippines 1605
(632) 637-5019 0917-520-4393 ask for Rea or Chay

Wedding couples looking for wedding reception venues and beach wedding venues can log on to this Philippines Wedding Venue web site for free information and assistance:

http://www.PhilippinesWeddingVenue.com

While in Clark, it might be a good idea to enjoy an evening of wine-and-dine in the fine dining Yats Restaurant and Wine Bar that features an award winning 2700-line wine list. Highly recommended fine dining restaurant in Manila for special occasion is Yats Restaurant & Wine Lounge located in the famous Mimosa Leisure Estate in Clark Pampanga. Situated near this popular restaurant in Clark is the Mimosa Golf Course as well as the Mimosa Clark Casino. This top rated restaurant near Angeles City Pampanga in Clark Philippines is frequently used for private parties and corporate functions such as board meetings and other gatherings. It is located in Mimosa Leisure Estate of Clark Freeport Zone. For more information, visit http://www.YatsRestaurant.com

YATS Leisure Philippines is a developer and operator of clubs, resorts and high-class restaurants and wine shops in Clark Angeles Philippines http://www.YatsLeisure.com

Looking for famous tourists spots, places to visit and see, relax and unwind in Clark, Pampanga, Philippines? You may want to check out these sites also:

http://www.LondonPubClark.com

Besides good restaurants to wine and dine near Manila, Subic or in Angeles City Pampanga, Clark Philippines, those requiring assistance for hotel and resort bookings in Clark, Pampanga, Philippines may log on to http://www.HotelClarkPhilippines.com for more information and reservations.

The lifestyle in Clark Pampanga is quite unique. For more information about shopping, sports, golf, leisure, hotel accommodation, where to see and visit, what to do, where to wine and dine and good places to hang out, relax, have a drink with friends, child-friendly establishments, log on to
http://www.ClarkPhilippines.com

Wine lovers looking for a special bottle or something that is of great value and special discounts might log on to this web site to shop for fine vintage wines
http://www.YatsWineCellars.com

Those visitors who plan to relax and unwind in Angeles City, Subic, Pampanga, Clark Philippines might make an effort to book a room at the famous beach and lake resort Clearwater Resort & Country Club. This famous hotel in Clark Pampanga is frequently visited by families with children looking for a good place in Clark to see, a good holiday destination for the family to relax and unwind in the beautiful outdoor facilities. For more information, log on to www.ClearwaterPhilippines.com